I really don’t have words I find myself heartbroken every time we leave to come home from visiting Juvens! It’s a long 2.5 hour drive up to see him. The drive up I am usually anxious and tired because we have to leave early but for the most part I am “ok” whatever that means!! But the ride home when I have to leave him I have flashbacks of leaving him in Haiti all over again my ptsd is triggered and I am sad and mad and I cry!! The day after our visits I end up very depressed and just want the world to stop if I could stay in bed all day I would!! But leaving him is what we have to do it is currently the only way! I can honestly say we have all come a long long way but have so far to still go! A year ago I pretty much hated him I hated what he had done to our family the pain and chaos he caused but friends with god an amazing therapist and some kick ass meds I am getting to a much better place I see Juvens getting to a much better place. I love Juvens and I want the best for him whatever that may be… I know God has a plan he has been in charge this whole time does that make it easier no not really it pretty much sucks but our God is faithful! Keeping are family safe is our number one priority all 7 of us and we are prepared to love and do whatever that takes!! God has renewed my spirit something only he could do! You may or may not agree how we parent you may think our kids are so so cute and perfect angels but friends let me tell you it is surviving for them they analyze every situation and figure out what is best for them it’s part of the trauma part of the ptsd part of the odd the brain of a child who has Rad and severe trauma is wired differently Friends that is a fact and we live it daily!! I like to say we have to parent backwards like nothing you could ever imagine! These children are master manipulators but I love them fiercely because that is what god has called me to do!! So here we are wading through the mucky water trying to get to dry ground but it never seems to come some days it gets deeper and other days it’s pretty shallow but it’s still mucky and we just keep moving on! Adoption is hard Friends like really really hard harder then anything I could of ever imagined but it is redemption it is teaching broken children to accept love and be love!