They are just words but they are so so true!! Trauma you are teach me a lot!
They are just words but they are so so true!! Trauma you are teach me a lot!
I really don’t have words I find myself heartbroken every time we leave to come home from visiting Juvens! It’s a long 2.5 hour drive up to see him. The drive up I am usually anxious and tired because we have to leave early but for the most part I am “ok” whatever that means!! But the ride home when I have to leave him I have flashbacks of leaving him in Haiti all over again my ptsd is triggered and I am sad and mad and I cry!! The day after our visits I end up very depressed and just want the world to stop if I could stay in bed all day I would!! But leaving him is what we have to do it is currently the only way! I can honestly say we have all come a long long way but have so far to still go! A year ago I pretty much hated him I hated what he had done to our family the pain and chaos he caused but friends with god an amazing therapist and some kick ass meds I am getting to a much better place I see Juvens getting to a much better place. I love Juvens and I want the best for him whatever that may be… I know God has a plan he has been in charge this whole time does that make it easier no not really it pretty much sucks but our God is faithful! Keeping are family safe is our number one priority all 7 of us and we are prepared to love and do whatever that takes!! God has renewed my spirit something only he could do! You may or may not agree how we parent you may think our kids are so so cute and perfect angels but friends let me tell you it is surviving for them they analyze every situation and figure out what is best for them it’s part of the trauma part of the ptsd part of the odd the brain of a child who has Rad and severe trauma is wired differently Friends that is a fact and we live it daily!! I like to say we have to parent backwards like nothing you could ever imagine! These children are master manipulators but I love them fiercely because that is what god has called me to do!! So here we are wading through the mucky water trying to get to dry ground but it never seems to come some days it gets deeper and other days it’s pretty shallow but it’s still mucky and we just keep moving on! Adoption is hard Friends like really really hard harder then anything I could of ever imagined but it is redemption it is teaching broken children to accept love and be love!
I come to you all today with a hurting heart and I want to speak truth…. I am heartbroken our family is heartbroken I do not post this for you to judge me but mostly for you to pray for our family…
As many of you know we brought our 3 kids home from Haiti on December 15, 2015 and that in itself was a pure miracle and glory to god for allowing that to happen after a long gruly 5 year fight with both the Haitian govt and US govt to finally get them home.
What a lot of you don’t know is we have been fighting a battle of severe reactive attachment disorder, oppositional deffiant disorder and post traumatic stress disorder with all 3 kids but Juvens has by far been the worst affected by his traumatized abusing and neglected childhood. Basically this battle we have been fighting we unfortunately lost long before we relized how big of a problem it was.
Our fight has brought us to a point in time where Juvens now resides in residential treatment care for both his safety and for the safety of those of us in our home. After talking extensively with therapist, councelors, doctors, and social workers we have come to the decision this is what is best for Juvens and everyone else in our family.
I’m posting this because for six weeks I’ve quietly answered questions… The last 6 weeks he has been with his aunt and uncle in Illinois while we were researching and trying to get him accepted into a treatment program that woukd fit his needs. This is our life and I will not hide it anymore.
When you don’t see photos and video and updates on Juvens it’s because he’s not with us. He is currently at a great facility here in Indiana where he will get 24 hour round the clock care and he can start to heal and grow into a successful young man in our society.
We have not severed our adoption. We remain his family. But we have drawn a line. We are presenting our boundaries. And we are not letting him cross them.
Please don’t flood me with questions. I’m posting because it’s time to share but I just can’t answer dozens of messages asking for details. And please don’t suggest that: we aren’t loving him enough, we don’t understand how broken he is, we don’t see how scared he is, we are doing the wrong thing, we should try X,Y, & Z, he should talk to so & so, etc. Because you wouldn’t say it if this were a post about Kaden or Wes. You would trust that we are making the right decision. We are his family and we have been and are doing everything we possibly can to get him top notch professional help. We have exhausted ideas and options and this is where we are. If you’d like to know more about Reactive Attachment Disorder, oppositional deffiant disorder or post tramatic stress disorder we encourage you to research it and see the wide range of issues it presents. Maybe that’ll help anyone who isn’t acutely aware of what raising a trauma/RAD/ODD/PTSD kiddo is like understand the complex nature of this issue.
We sincerely hope that Juvens will thrive in the program he is in. We hope that he can get rid of the bad negative behaviors and replace them with new good ones! We want nothing but the best for Juvens we love him so much and we have already invested 6 years of our life loving him and getting him here. We really hope Juvens will see this as a positive opportunity and he will do very good in his treatment program. We are able to visit juvens and call and write him. We are able to be fully involved in his treatment and he hope we can see gradual positive changes being made.#ourcrazypricelife #haitiadoptions #truth #PTSD #ODD #RAD #lovewins#bebrave
Our lives have been so busy and this blog has got completely away from me so I am going to update yall on the last 7 months in one giant post !!
January and February brought many challenges. School started for Juvens, I started back to work a little at a time, We had lots of major adjustments to make that did not go smoothly at all. Zach and I were able to go out for maybe 2 dates I think for some alone time but all we ended up talking about was the kids and how much our life has changed for the good and for the bad…. yep its not all pretty in fact its pretty ugly sometimes! We also finally have family photos done something we have been waiting a long long time for!! Wes and Juvens played basketball that was fun to watch Juvens who had never played before…. I found myself saying whose kids is that many times when he would run the wrong way or just pick up the ball and run down the court!! I got to go our and have dinner with my homegrowns something that was much needed at the time!! We took all the kids to elite air and they had a blast jumping on all the trampolines!! I went to the store one day and got what I called my survival kit see the picture below it had been a really bad week!!
March and April brought Easter fun coloring Easter eggs and having fun with family, We went to Indy for a short spring break mini vacation went to children’s museum and ate at Bubs!! The kids got there US citizenship papers in the mail Kaden celebrated his 15th birthday we all went and visited Grandma Thelma for her 95th Birthday the girls got all signed up for school and Juvens had his surgery on his umbilical hernia!
May and June we were busy to say the least! Kaden was busy with track he earned most points as a freshman and the whole team won the hoosier heartland conference which was a huge accomplishment!! The kids celebrated Haitian Flag Day to keep up on there heritage! We had a fun night at Wesley and Juvens school where the kids got to dress up as super hero and take there mom!! I even joined in on the fun!! We celebrated Juvens 9th Birthday and Sophia’s 6th Birthday! We celebrated Mothers day at Grindstone Charlies! The kids got there 2nd round of catch up shots or as they call them picky picky! Wesley and Juvens were enjoying baseball and they had a big cheer block at all of there games!! We took the kids down to the Indy 500 qualifications one of our favorite places to be in the month of May!! Aunt Lisa came for a visit and these kiddos all just love her so so much!! The girls were also playing tball and had a lot of fun with that! May and June seemed to fly by but we had a lot of fun!
July brought 4th of July celebration in our small town that is a yearly event the girls got to see the parade and ride some of the scary rides at the festival!! My mammaw’s sister from TN and her daughter came to visit and a cousin from MI came to visit and all of us ladies enjoyed a nice lunch out. Lunch date at Macalisters with a few of my favorites! Zach and I went up to IL for Zach to inspect some trailers and we got some much needed time away and enjoyed dinner at White Chocolate our favorite!! We put a for sale sign in our yard!!YES we are selling our house and moving to the country and we could not be more excited about this next season of life!! Grandma Jayne had some fun reading to the girls or was it singing!! And juvens headed to brain camp (residential treatment) so he could start to work on all of his problems he is having with PTSD, RAD and ODD